Insta-frequenters: specifically you of the beauty lovin’ kind, this is something you will totally understand.
Endless clones/bombarding + bossy businesses selling magical coconut oil, skinny laxo-teas to make you poop out all your chubb, or babetastic body scrubs. Cue streams of sickeningly beautiful semi-nuddie people covered head to toe in filth granules, or what could be frightfully mistaken as some kind of evil ant-nest attack.
A week doesn’t go by when one of these companies follows me – and just as quickly unfollows me due to my ignoring them. I just want to PM them. “The niche is well and truly saturated – just STAHP before you go bankrupt yo. Also, your Insta-etiquette is balls.”
Now the brand I’m gonna rave about today isn’t spamtastic like the aforementioned, to be honest (or Frank). They are actually kinda the pioneers – the undisputed kings of insta-famous bod scrubbery.
That brand is Frank Body.
I noticed and followed them quite a long whiles ago. Their jam intrigued me, I liked the sound but it was at blaring levels (and none of that really was their fault either).
Every beauty blogger around the traps was trying out and reviewing Frank and I just was completely scoff city. “Oh brother”, I thought every time I scrolled past some arabica-laden, overly excited shower selfier. Was it all the caffeine making them smile like an extra in Black Hole Sun, were they legit knoblets or could this just actually be awesome?
Too cool for school, I ignored Frank and his advances. For like, eons. My pride got all in the way and even though part of my brain squeaked regularly to follow the pack, I shut her down.
Until January 2016. And I am now eating ALL the words.
First off – let’s chat about their Creamy Face Cleanser.
Sure it looks like something an oyster pooped out, but this grey ooze is serious magic. Containing green coffee bean extract, charcoal, echinacea and a truck-ton of healthy oils, this stuff actually legit gets ALL of your makeup off. Every little bit.
If you are like me and use a face cleanser all over, yes squelching it into your eyes too*, you’ll know how bloody ragey you get when you end up having to double cleanse. Now that makes the road to bed even LONGER. F*@k.
*GASP that’s right, I don’t use a separate eye makeup remover because of the laziness and for bed reasons.
Some cleansers just aren’t up to the full task and sure, can get that foundation good and gone, but your mascara seems to cling on like mad. Not the case with Creamy Face Cleanser – it all be erased. HUZZAH!
Now the scrub. The Original Frank Body Scrub.
Gingerly as all get out, I ripped the seal on this bad boy and took it all in. So this is what all the fuss is about? Unsurprisingly, his stench was that of intensely strong coffee.
Mind you, I kept pedaling my huffy bike hard, trying to resist. I thought I have fallen for an Insta game and even though it was cruelty-free and yes vegan, I just couldn’t help but feel that it was going to be a hard fail.
Oh boy, was I incorrect.
Upon noticing its claims to destroy dry, flaky skin all while targeting cellulite, stretch marks, eczema and psoriasis – I was practically BOLTING for the shower.
Popped in said shower, dampened up (see Jan Faves vid for more hilarious innuendos), then scrubbed and waited the recommended 5 minutes. I listened and howled to a couple of Bowie tracks before turning the water back on and rinsing.
Uhh my skin is feeling different. More silky smooth than Soul Glo even.
But it’s not until you pop out and dry down that you really understand #thefrankeffect. Beyond soft, beyond smooth, my skin was heavenly fluffy.
That’s a weird description – but I finally got the hype.
If you are a fan of the Buffy body butter/scrub bar from Lush, this is that same effect but minus the epic greasy feels.
You can even go one whole step further and apply the Frank Body Cream. It will take your skins touchability levels to eleven.
Her scent is that of caramelly almonds, so by the end of all this:
you’re gonna be a DAMN WALKING TALKING ALMOND MILK LATTE.
And that is awesome as well as delicious.
Now I want coffee.
Thank you for being real, vegan, cruelty-free and just a all-round Aussie legend.
And super sorry for ignoring your advances. You’re actually a pretty top bloke.